You want me to be some evil person because that’s easy to understand. You don’t want to know that I can be generous and compassionate. That doesn’t fit into your nice, comfortable construct. That doesn’t make sense to you, because you’ve painted me with one brush, one color, and there’s no room for any others on your mental palette.
He wants to laugh out loud or punch a wall. He feel drunk or at least carbonated. Insane. At first, he thinks this is happiness, but then he determines it’s love. Fucking love, he thinks. What a bother. It’s gotten in the way of his plan to drink himself to death, to drive his business to ruin. The most annoying thing about it is that once a person gives a shit about one thing, he finds he has to start giving a shit about everything.
I said that I am in love with you. I’ve tried not to be, I really have, but it’s just useless. I know you don’t feel the same way about me, but I had to tell you because…well, you’re all I think about. All the time. I miss you every second that you’re not with me…and I know you won’t want to be around me anymore, but, Camilla…you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had. You’re smart and amazing and weird and probably the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen…and before I met you, all I want was just to fast-forward through everything. But, really, I think my life was just paused, or something. You…made me press play. You made everything move. And no matter where you go, or whatever you feel about me…I will love you forever for that. That’s all I want to say. I’m going to go now
At the start of the trip, I took shots of the sights. The Colosseum. Belvedere Palace. Mozart square. But I stopped.They never came out very well, and you could get postcards of these things. But there are no postcards of this. Of life.
Her argument was simple: there’s someone for everyone. Statistically, she was almost certainly correct. Unfortunately, the probability that I would find such a person was vanishingly small. But it created a disturbance in my brain, like a mathematical problem that we know must have a solution.
The girl smiled again. Colin wasn’t thinking about anything but himself and K-19 and the piece of his gut he’d misplaced – but there was no denying her smile. That smile could end wars and cure cancer.